EGGSPLOSION!!!!

I consider myself a pretty good cook, my family and friends think I am too.....you may all want to reconsider after tonight. It seems there was a run in between me, a half dozen eggs and a microwave. I've been cooking well over 40 years and I think I have pretty good common sense. Atleast I thought I had common sense. Not so. We decided to have a pre-4th-of-July BBQ tonight and I thought it would be nice to whip up some deviled eggs. I know they are probably very bad for you but between me and the boss I like the white part and he eats the yellow. I guess that's how you stay married for 38 years. On the other hand the offspring is a little bit me and a little bit him....She likes the whole egg. So I used my Ina fool proof method of cooking hard boiled eggs. Put them in a pot and cover with water, bring to a boil, remove from heat and let sit covered for 5 minutes.....the perfect cooked egg.. Not tonight. I have no idea what went wrong. I peeled the eggs not thinking a thing about it. When I cut one in half I saw that it was not cooked in the center. What to do? I couldn't put peeled eggs back in boiling water (ofcourse I could) so I get the brain storm to cover them with paper towel and put them in the microwave for a minute or two....It was the two that did me in. The second one minute stint caused the eggs to explode like an overstuffed Pinata. When I opened the door of the microwave there were egg parts everywhere. Does it end there, no. In a fit of what I can only explain as a brain freeze I picked up a knife and cut into one of the eggs that was still intact. Big Mistake. Let the above picture speak for itself. I'll be spending the next couple of days cleaning up egg bits from the floor to the cabinets to the appliances....I guess I was asleep the day the Food Network told you to never microwave an egg.......

Williams Sonoma, McDonald's and a missing head.....

What do these three things have in common......dumb people. Found out this weekend that the crazy women over at the local W. S. has been passing herself off as the store manager.....better put...."the person in charge"......for years now. Always very self-important , she will actually tell you what your buying is no good and you should buy what she tells you to buy. After all, her husband is not only a lawyer but a master bread baker. How many times have we heard this story.... I would love to meet this guy to see who would marry this nut....Well, it turns out that she's just a plain old employee. Not even an assistant or maybe a supervisor over small appliances.......it's the kind of case where you would love to go in and say to her..."I knew it"......And to think I almost accepted her job offer back in November....The second dumb person was in front of me at the drive thru line at McDonalds this morning. Making a $3. purchase she paid with a $100. bill.......might not sound like a big deal but at 10:15 a.m. with breakfast coming to a close there had to have been a dozen cars lined up behind me. It seems the cashier had to get the approval of the manager to accept the bill.......And the big winner of the day.....Heard on talk radio news while in line at the drive thru........
"A 17 year old S.C. boy was decapitated over the weekend at Six Flags, an autopsy is being performed today to determine the cause of death."..................

AL ROKER AND COCO'S BOOBS.......

Tonight was officially the end of t.v. as we know it. I tuned into the new "Celebrity Family Feud" hosted by Al Roker. It was the Joan River family versus the Ice-T family....odd combination but I was intrigued. When T's wife the infamous CoCo got up to the podium poor Al got all giddy. It's like he had never seen a pair of boobs before. He actually became speechless. I was going to post a picture of CoCo for those of you who have no idea who she is but I thought better of it. Also on T's panel of people was Ice-T Jr. or better known as Little Ice.....how cute.....Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse the next family to come out and try to beat the Rivers......The Wayne Newtons....

Only in Marietta........

Marietta is a large heavily populated city on the outskirts of Atlanta...Located in popular Cobb County we are often in the National news. Most recently for the "Barbie Bandits" that tried to rob a bank inside a local Kroger store...Well, today takes the cake. While driving to a birthday brunch with Miss D. the next door neighbor, she informed me that earlier today a Black Bear from the mountains of North Georgia had been hit by a car at one of our largest intersections and had to be shot....Not just any intersection but the one right down the street from the house...My first reaction was to ask " if it walked all the way down from the mountains why was this the first time somebody spotted it"... How did it manage to travel pretty far from home and no one noticed?? Thinking she was, well....nuts....the minute I got home I checked the local news on the Internet....I really have to start taking the "local stories" she tells me more seriously. At 7:15 this morning a driver hit a small black bear, not just anywhere, but right in front of daughter's high school...It had to be euthanized because it was injured so badly.. This might not sound too odd but it seems this is the 3rd. bear in 17 days that have been hit by cars in Cobb County. Again, my question is "why is nobody noticing them until they're in the middle of town?" I do apologize for questioning the validity of her stories....I will never doubt her again. But I must say this comes after the time she told me they found a flying squirrel in their kitchen cabinets, caught it, then drove it all the way over to Kennesaw Mountain to let it loose. A few days later and about 10 miles away the squirrel found his way back to the house............Sorry "D" still can't grasp that picture.

Easy Chicken Cordon Bleu.....

Tonight on the menu we had one of my new favorite things to whip up. It's easy, it's delicious and we actually call it "Chicken Cordon Boo"....after the dog, of course. It starts with simple chicken breasts dipped in egg and Italian bread crumbs and lightly fried in a combo of butter and extra virgin olive oil.... As it's cooking spritz some lemon juice on the chicken. When it's completely cooked remove it to a large baking pan, one you would bake cookies on, and season it with kosher salt. Spread some Dijon mustard onto each cutlet. Fold a thinly sliced piece of ham, I prefer Boars Head tavern ham which is like a mild baked ham, onto the chicken. On top of the ham place a piece of Provolone cheese. Pop under the broiler for a few minutes to melt the cheese....I always serve this with Uncle Ben's chicken and wild rice and it's extremely tasty. On the schedule for the upcoming week will be Hungarian "Boo"-lash and for breakfast one morning husbands favorite......."Boo"berry waffles.......

Cinnamon Raisin Bread......a Success!!

Thanks to Mary Jane at the King Arthur Flour Company my cinnamon raisin bread came perfect. Using cold tap water really was the trick....Husband seemed happy with the results, so much so that we are on our way out to the W.S. where they have on sale the 2 3/4 qt. round LeCrueset baker that he has offered to buy me....I never pass up anything from the W.S.

CORNED BEEF HASH.......OFCOURSE!!

The other night we really were noshing on hot corned beef sandwichs on rye at midnight....I have been in the mood for corned beef hash after seeing an episode of "Diners, Drive Ins and Dives" and you first have to cook the corned beef before you can make the hash. So I started at 8:00p.m. and by 12:00 it was ready. Today was hash day. It's probably been two years or more since I've eaten hash, since the last time I bought it the stuff tasted like dog food..... No, I really don't know what dog food tastes like but I've smelled the stuff and I was sure this was mislabeled. I didn't even have the nerve to give it to the husband... I have made it in the past but never got the consistency right. Always staring me in the face, sitting right on the counter, has been my big red food processor. On occasion I'm a bit slow on the upstart......Miss "D" next door can attest to this since she hasn't let me forget the time I told her I had donated bags of used clothing to the Statue of Liberty....Knowing me for over 23 years she knew I meant the Salvation Army...she also knows when I say I'm going to the library I'm really going to the post office....Anyway, today was the day the bulb went off and I said "try using the Cusinart"......Bingo...it came, well, just like hash. I put slices of the beef with some Vidalia onion into the machine and pulsed it a few times, not too much.....then I finely diced red skin potatoes and pre-cooked them. After adding some freshly ground pepper, the potatoes and the beef mixture I fried it up in a bit of olive oil.....we "are" watching our weight.....I added a little ketchup and some heavy cream. It was very good........ I think Guy Fieri would approve!!

LEMON ZEST, BAD BREAD AND THE FOLKS AT KING ARTHUR....

So I've been enjoying making bread every other day and it's wonderful not having to go to Publix for a loaf you pay $5.00 for that goes stale on the drive home....but I ran into a few snags...The first loaf was perfection. I even went online and bought the highly acclaimed "Artisan Bread in Five Minutes A Day"...thinking I was going to start selling this stuff to the neighbors...not really. Anyhoo, the bread has been going downhill since that first loaf and I haven't been able to figure out why. So this morning I put a call through to the King Arthur Baking Hotline....similar to the famous Butterball Hotline. Who would no better then these people and the nice lady on the phone seems to think my water is too hot....It seems that this time of year with this particular recipe, where it's a slow rise, if you use water over 80 degrees it will cause the dough to rise too fast. She suggested I try regular cold water out of the tap, not to be over the 80 degrees..She said this should solve the problem...While I had her on the phone I told her the husband didn't like the lemon zest because it had a waxy taste to it and can I substitute with lemon juice...She said lemon juice could be used but suggested I try soap and water first to wash off the wax from the lemon........Who knew????? I apologized to the boss for thinking he was nuts.

HOT CORNED BEEF AT MIDNIGHT......

The Infamous Pineapple Upside Down Cake

I was watching the Food Network Challenge today and someone was making a pineapple upside down cake for a Luau challenge in Hawaii. My ears perked up as this was my first foray into the world of competitive baking back in 1968. It was my senior year in high school and it was announced that there would be a baking contest for the senior home economic students. I was the first to sign up......see I was a bit of an ass kisser to Miss Takacs... the home ec teacher who I loved... as it was my only chance of ever getting an "A" in my entire academic career. For my senior project I wowed her by making homemade grape jam from Grandma Macaluso's grapes from her backyard vineyard, and then further impressed by making gingham curtains for my sewing project. But this didn't get me the A......it was the cake. The day of the contest I woke up early to bake it fresh. It was a piece of art on a serving platter. I was so excited. Then the news came...........along with my entry there were only 2 others. Jump ahead 40 years and I considered myself "down to the final 3". No surprise to me when I came in first place......it was a surprise that at the end of the year senior awards ceremony I was awarded the "Crisco Most Outstanding Student in Home Economics" award. All for that damn cake. Luckily when I heard I was going to have to give up the recipe to the local newspaper for publication I was never asked how it was made. You see I pulled a Sandra Lee...yes, the Semi-Homemade fake chef. I used Jiffy cake mix, at the time 10 cents a box, and doctored it up by using pineapple juice instead of water. I was a little nervous how I was going to explain that shortcut. In the end I walked away with a lovely trophy for my efforts which I still have to this day. I look at it this way....as long as you come in first place nobody needs to know how many people followed up in the rear. And a big thanks to Miss Takacs for not only inspiring me to grow up and use my skills every single day.....But for giving me an A+ in that class....My only "A" in my entire high school career.......

THE WEATHER CHANNEL......

Who knew when we had the satellite installed that it would have the ability to forecast the weather. The other night while watching the news we heard that a storm was brewing over in Alabama. Within moments the dish lost it's signal letting us know that it was headed our way. Who needs Janice Dean and her weather machine.....It came back on once the storm had blown out over the Atlantic, but not to worry with 200 "quality" channels to choose from all we missed was 199 repeats and the Spanish version of the Home Shopping Network.........

DOMINO'S DOWNSIZES........

No, not their work force or their locations or their delivery cars.......they have actually downsized their pizza....We have been ordering Domino's for years since down here in the South you really can't find good N.Y. style pizza. You can never get away with spending less then a 20 dollar bill so when coupons appear in your mailbox you get excited. Which brings me to tonight when I suggested to the big guy that we go pick up their coupon "special".....this would be a large pie with one topping for only $5.99....pick up only. How can you go wrong...Getting a Domino's for under $20.00...unheard of! That should have been our first clue. When I picked up the box from the counter person I noticed that it had absolutely no weight to it, none. It felt like the box was empty. Upon further inspection what was inside that box was a disgrace. I have never seen such a small pizza, it was one small step up from a "personal pan".....I know what your thinking....what did they expect for $5.99? I expected what they advertised, a large pizza, not something me and the better half were going to have to fight over. When I got home I actually took out a tape measure and measured it......a whopping 12 1/2" round. The traditional size of a large pizza anywhere on this planet is 18". Does Domino's really think that people aren't going to notice this?What was worse is the fact that it wasn't even tasty. I would gladly give up size for tasty.....we could have eaten the cardboard box it came in (I'm surprised they didn't charge extra for the box) and it would have tasted better....and as the husband pointed out he was surprised that when we walked out with pie in hand instead of saying "thank you and come again"........they didn't say..."Here you cheap bastards, now get the hell out"............Maybe next time.

EXILED TO ROPER ISLAND.......MORE DOG STORIES

I finally found a way to keep the dog in line....send him away to the kennel for a very long time, well actually 3 weeks did the trick. When we were summoned to Jersey to babysit Miss Kitty we had no other choice but to put the Boopster at the Sleepy Hollow Kennel down in Smyrna. A wonderful home away from home and as their sign out front says......"a country club for canines"......I feel very comfortable leaving the Prince there as the owners, The Ropers, are terrific. They even refer to the Boo as "Son"......and I think Boo knows they're sincere.....see previous dog post. Boo has been boarded there many many times but it seems that 3 weeks is the key to him getting in line....Since he's been home I not once have had to raise my voice, to the delight of the husband, to get the dog in the house. I now open the back door.....offer him 3 cookies.....and in he comes. It's all too easy. Why hasn't the past 9 1/2 years been this easy. Who knew an extended stay away from home with no ice water to drink and no cookies every hour on the hour would turn him into a dog I can live with.....I even find myself kissing him on the nose every day.........it's very salty. He did come home with a bit of a leg limp, I assume from being in the concrete run....not the couch that he's used to sleeping on. So I took him to the vet last week (when we pulled up he had a look of panic in his face, the kennel is next door) she gave me a prescription for the leg. After checking out prices on the internet and finding none under the cost of $65. for a months supply I decided to do some intense research. Between Google and our friends up in Woodstock....the all night Walmart...Boo's pills will now cost only $4.00 a month...Yes, that's right. I managed to find an article that had a list of authorized pain meds for dogs along with their generic names. I took said list and went into Walmarts list of $4.00 generic meds and hoped for the best......sure enough one of the six drugs was listed. After a quick call to the Walmart I asked if they would fill a prescription for a dog...."Ofcourse" the women on the other end of the phone said. After I gushed that I just love the Walmart and thanked her I called the vet. The lady who answerd the phone sounded a bit stunned that someone was actually able to figure out how to get $65. worth of dog pills for 4 bucks.....The vet approved the selection and I'm just waiting for her to phone it in to the pharmacy. Something tells me that might be the hard part.........I know what your thinking....how can you put a price on the health of your animal....Hey, he could go back to his old ways in the morning and I don't want him to think I'm that crazy about him....I'll leave that to the husband......

THE DISH UPDATE..........one hour later.

There are some kinks to be worked out..........everytime the phone rings we lose the satellite connection....On a happier front, they promised more channels and more channels we got....We now have Horse Racing from Belmont, some sort of "Cattle Auction" and I saved the best for last....... "The New Jim Bakker Show"...I didn't even know he was out of jail?

THE DISH NETWORK........Real Estates Newest Nightmare

When we returned from Jersey in the mail was a letter from BellSouth informing us that as of July 1st. cable service would no longer be available....At&T would be offering the "Dish Network" at a deal you couldn't refuse.......according to them. We have been very happy with the cable service, except every night at 7:00 it goes out, and we really weren't ready to get a dish. They assured me that my bill would not be going up, they would give me free installation and I would get a $75.00 rebate....Plus I would now get BBC America so we could watch Gordon Ramsey anytime we wanted... Given no other choice, since no one else services our area, the dish it was.....Scheduled for today between 1:00 and 5:00 they showed up promptly at 9:00a.m. The husband showed them around the house and the last time I saw them they were discussing installing the dish behind the house...I went about bread baking, my newest favorite thing to do, and didn't think another thing about it. The husband came inside and informed me that the dish installation was going well but there seemed to be a problem with the new garage doors being installed. I really should not have scheduled both on the same day as I didn't realize they would be in each others way, what can you do.....about 15 minutes later husband says "why don't you go outside and see how it's coming".....I should have known. Ofcourse, getting the blame for not being outside to begin with, I stepped out onto the front lawn to see two "boobs" in hard hats perched on the FRONT ROOF bolting down a large satellite dish with colorful words emblazoned smack on the front saying "THE DISH NETWORK"........I just knew when they plugged in the huge cables that were hanging from it neon lights would light up saying to the whole neighborhood..."We have finally lost our minds". The front roof of the house for all the world to see, it was hideous! Both men said in unison "your husband said it was okay"......the husband, who was standing along side me, just threw up his hands......I classify this as another "guy moment". I was mortified. I'm not one to ever get mad at anything but this was too much to take. They knew I was really pissed as I exclaimed "what kind of idiots would install that on the front roof of a house" They were quick to say that with all our trees there really was no other place to put it. You would think the satellite engineers would have figured that out before putting these things on the market. Oh, excuse me, there was one other choice......they could have installed it on a 4 ft. pole on the front lawn at the street.....yes, much better. Before getting down from the roof they did manage to turn the dish around so the advertisement could no longer be seen, it still looked horrible but it blended in with the roof color a bit better. I never like to be given no choices.....when I'm paying for something I should get what I want, not what someone else tells me I have to have....We have also been trying to spruce up the house with hopes of putting it on the market someday soon and I can hear the real estate people now......"Mrs. A. you have a lovely home and normally we could sell it with no problem...but we will have to list it for $50,000.00 less because of that satelite dish up on your roof."...............