CULTURE WARS.........THE NORTH VS. THE SOUTH.

Ask someone from the North why they moved to the South and 95% will tell you in one word..... weather......tired of cold weather in the Northeast they flock to Southern states in droves. Today may have changed all of that. When I got up to let the Boo Dog out I couldn't believe my eyes......Such a shock to the system I went in and got the camera, the Boss was not going to believe me....

Temperature 20 degrees......Now we have had cold weather in past years and even a bit of snow but not in November.......Maybe in February but not November. Heck it was just 80 about 2 weeks ago. But then I thought about it and the "Southern Weather Gods" have finally figured out a way to get us out of their state....See they've been trying for years. They start the minute you drive over the Mason-Dixon Line.....Oh, they want you to think they like us....you'll see Southern Hospitality up the ying yang but I'm here to tell you what's really going on........31 years ago we packed up all our "stuff"...put the dog on a airplane........loaded up our 75' Corvette with the bare minimums.......stuffed in the child and headed to Fort Lauderdale....We lasted there 7 years, after 2 we decided living amongst Northerners in 90 degree heat with snakes and bugs was not our idea of heaven....So we did what alot of people from Jersey do we headed back North.....as far as Georgia. Marietta being the city of choice for many fleeing from the horrors of South Florida. Lovely houses, great taxes, good schools and great weather, heck they have four seasons in Georgia but it never really gets cold......Did we finally find paradise???

My first experience with a Southerner was my very first appointment with a client for some custom window treatments.....I can't remember what the conversation was but I do remember that it ended with "All you Yankees are alike"......Okay, nice to meet you too. This was maybe during our first week here. To say it went downhill from there would be an understatement. Here's some basic examples of how they try to get "us people" out of "their state"......

1.) They try to feed us very bad pizza.......a basic staple to every person from Jersey, this could kill you within a month, if your Italian it could happen sooner...

2.) No signs of a real bakery. Hey, we need "buns" on a Sunday morning, if your from Jersey you gotta have your crumb buns......

3.) What's a Hard Seeded Roll.........none to be found for many many years and when they finally decided to make them, well........let's just say you wouldn't eat an egg sandwich on one.

4.) What's Taylor Ham.......pre-sliced in a box. This is totally foreign to people from Jersey, it has to be in a roll wrapped in some sort of strange burlap material. The bag boys at the grocery store can even conjure up an insult by saying the following....."What's this stuff (with disgust in their voice)....what do you do with it...eat it?" This coming from a population that thinks Mayonnaise is a delicacy......That includes you Paula Dean....

5.)They try in their sneaky little way to kill us with kindness......like at a four way stop...It goes something like this........Four cars pull up to a 4 way. All at the same time you hear this "You go"..."No you go"....."No you go".....The Husband refers to this as a "Southern Traffic Jam".....You can sit there for 5 minutes while waving goes on, thank you's are given and time is a wasting....

In Jersey it's more like a free-for-all......the guy that pulls up 1/2 second before the other car would mow you down just to be first across the intersection. I don't even want to tell you what goes on at those circles that they have all over the state...You basically close your eyes and pull out hoping a tractor trailer isn't coming.

6.) Another traffic nightmare.....your on a main street going at a good clip and the guy in front of you comes to an unannounced stop just to be nice and let someone pull out of the post office. Nice gesture but I prefer the car waits until it clears to pull out ......After all people from up North have someplace to go or somewhere to be... We aren't out for a "joy ride" people... We don't leave the house unless we have someplace to be and we don't want people who have all the time in the world getting in front of us.......

7.) They try cursing at us to get us to leave.....your first experience to this kind of bad behavior is puzzling.....your not quite sure what they're saying...... "Dag Gum It"........What in the hell did they just say??? It took me years to figure out that it was their "polite" way of using a curse word.....

The people from Jersey think the dialogue on the Soprano's was cleaned up for television.....

8.) Don't get them started about the war........

9.) Yes, that war.

10.) They can't tell the difference between a New Yorker and someone from Jersey. They lump us all into one category.......Loud and Obnoxious.........This isn't fair and if they don't stop we may be forced to move ... People from Jersey are fun loving and "Wacky"....think Danny Devito....People from New York are, well, people from New York....See beginning of story of why we moved from South Florida......

So let's sum this up....they have tried to get us to move by feeding us bad food, and I forgot to mention the fact they there is no sauerkraut in Georgia, these people expect us to put cole slaw on our dogs..........killing us with kindness on the roadways, Making fun of our ethnic food choices....(jeolous).......feeding us bad pastry products and cursing at us using made up words.....We still haven't taken the hint.....Until this morning......

Somewhere in the state of Georgia early this morning possibly at a Waffle House there was a Southerner sitting next to a Northerner when they heard the Northerner say those fateful words......."If we wanted cold weather we would have stayed up North".....response from the Southerner....."Then why don't you move back where you came from"....with a big smile and sarcasm in his voice.......because they love to tell us this....until they here what every Jersey man would say back.....
"We won the war...we can live wherever we want". Boom end of discussion.....

But.....being from Jersey we have a certain attitude about life..... we just don't get insulted very easily. We admit we're crazy and that's half the battle....

I do have to add that I'm grateful for three Southern things......

Krispy Kreme doughnuts

Chick Fil A

and my friend and next door neighbor of 24 years...Necie, because without her I

never would have made it past that first week........

UPDATE.....It's now been 30 years and 12 years since I first wrote this post. wouldn't consider living anywhere else. The only thing we miss are the kids and the shore. We now are probably half the southern population. I don't know if they have gotten used to us but we are here to stay and we keep multiplying. It's a great place to live, you can't beat property taxes.....everyday expenses....good weather and yes extremely nice people....We still can't use Jersey curse words and there are still no bakeries but we have found a few good pizza places so all is well.....
Posting this here because we are all the same growing up in Rahway and having Vacarro's bakery to go to every Sunday and we all know the Rt. 22 round abouts .....and to lighten the mood during this awful time we find ourselves in.....Stay healthy and safe so one of these days that 70th birthday party can take place....