Saturday, November 22, 2008

CULTURE WARS.........THE NORTH VS. THE SOUTH.


Ask someone from the North why they moved to the South and 95% will tell you in one word..... weather......tired of cold weather in the Northeast they flock to Southern states in droves. Today may have changed all of that. When I got up to let the Boo Dog out I couldn't believe my eyes......Such a shock to the system I went in and got the camera, the Boss was not going to believe me....Temperature 20 degrees......Now we have had cold weather in past years and even a bit of snow but not in November.......Maybe in February but not November. Heck it was just 80 about 2 weeks ago. But then I thought about it and the "Southern Weather Gods" have finally figured out a way to get us out of their state....See they've been trying for years. They start the minute you drive over the Mason-Dixon Line.....Oh, they want you to think they like us....you'll see Southern Hospitality up the ying yang but I'm here to tell you what's really going on........31 years ago we packed up all our "stuff"...put the dog on a airplane........loaded up our 75' Corvette with the bare minimums.......stuffed in the child and headed to Fort Lauderdale....We lasted there 7 years, after 2 we decided living amongst Northerners in 90 degree heat with snakes and bugs was not our idea of heaven....So we did what alot of people from Jersey do we headed back North.....as far as Georgia. Marietta being the city of choice for many fleeing from the horrors of South Florida. Lovely houses, great taxes, good schools and great weather, heck they have four seasons in Georgia but it never really gets cold......Did we finally find paradise???
My first experience with a Southerner was my very first appointment with a client for some custom window treatments.....I can't remember what the conversation was but I do remember that it ended with "All you Yankees are alike"......Okay, nice to meet you too. This was maybe during our first week here. To say it went downhill from there would be an understatement. Here's some basic examples of how they try to get "us people" out of "their state"......
1.) They try to feed us very bad pizza.......a basic staple to every person from Jersey, this could kill you within a month, if your Italian it could happen sooner...
2.) No signs of a real bakery. Hey, we need "buns" on a Sunday morning, if your from Jersey you gotta have your crumb buns......
3.) What's a Hard Seeded Roll.........none to be found for many many years and when they finally decided to make them, well........let's just say you wouldn't eat an egg sandwich on one.
4.) Who's Taylor Ham.......pre-sliced in a box. This is totally foreign to people from Jersey, it has to be in a roll wrapped in some sort of strange burlap material. The bag boys at the grocery store can even conjure up an insult by saying the following....."What's this stuff (with disgust in their voice)....what do you do with it...eat it?" This coming from a population that thinks Mayonnaise is a delicacy......That includes you Paula Dean....
5.)They try in their sneaky little way to kill us with kindness......like at a four way stop...It goes something like this........Four cars pull up to a 4 way. All at the same time you hear this "You go"..."No you go"....."No you go".....The Husband refers to this as a "Southern Traffic Jam".....You can sit there for 5 minutes while waving goes on, thank you's are given and time is a wasting....
In Jersey it's more like a free-for-all......the guy that pulls up 1/2 second before the other car would mow you down just to be first across the intersection. I don't even want to tell you what goes on at those circles that they have all over the state...You basically close your eyes and pull out hoping a tractor trailer isn't coming.
6.) Another traffic nightmare.....your on a main street going at a good clip and the guy in front of you comes to an unannounced stop just to be nice and let someone pull out of the post office. Nice gesture but I prefer the car waits until it's clear to pull out ......After all people from up North have someplace to go or somewhere to be... We aren't out for a "joy ride" people... We don't leave the house unless we have someplace to be and we don't want people who have all the time in the world getting in front of us.......
7.) They try cursing at us to get us to leave.....your first experience to this kind of bad behavior is puzzling.....your not quite sure what they're saying...... "Dag Gum It"........What in hell did they just say??? It took me years to figure out that it was their "polite" way of using a curse word.....
The people from Jersey think the dialogue on the Soprano's was cleaned up for television.....
8.) Don't get them started about the war........
9.) Yes, that war.
10.) They can't tell the difference between a New Yorker and someone from Jersey. They lump us all into one category.......Loud and Obnoxious.........This isn't fair and if they don't stop we may be forced to move ... People from Jersey are fun loving and "Wacky"....think Danny Devito....People from New York are, well, people from New York....See beginning of story of why we moved from South Florida......
So let's sum this up....they have tried to get us to move by feeding us bad food, and I forgot to mention the fact they there is no sauerkraut in Georgia, these people expect us to put cole slaw on our dogs..........killing us with kindness on the roadways, Making fun of our ethnic food choices....(jeolous).......feeding us bad pastry products and cursing at us using made up words.....We still haven't taken the hint.....Until this morning......
Somewhere in the state of Georgia early this morning possibly at a Waffle House there was a Southerner sitting next to a Northerner when they heard the Northerner say those fateful words......."If we wanted cold weather we would have stayed up North".....response from the Southerner....."Then why don't you move back where you came from"....with a big smile and sarcasim in his voice.......because they love to tell us this....
But.....being from Jersey we have a certain attitude about life.....and we just don't get insulted very easily. We admit we're crazy and that's half the battle....
I do have to add that I'm grateful for three Southern things......
Krispy Kreme doughnuts
Chick Fil A
and my friend and next door neighbor of 24 years...Necie, because without her I
never would have made it past that first week........

5 comments:

nikkicrumpet said...

It is so funny to see the cultural shock of moving just a few states away. I still am blown away by how different it is here in the East...than it was in the West...it's like an alien planet here. And I was whining because it was 17 degrees here...but we expect it this time of year....but in the South?? YIKES

Neabear said...

Having lived only in California, I don't see that much culture shock stuff. Although Berkeley, Oakland and San Francisco are all very different and different from where I live in the wine country.

Manuela said...

LOL! I've grown to like cole slaw on my hot dogs!

The weather is killing my husband. Who was born and raised in NYC btw! I'm actually enjoying it but he's threatening to move us to either south Ga or Florida if it continues. It's a bit odd to have to so many frosty mornings this time of year. I'm thinking we may have a very cold and snowy February!

When we first moved here we always complained that there were so many places to eat but really no place to eat (at least for us)! Since we lived in Hackensack, we always went into NYC at least once a week since we were so close and we still miss the food. We haven't found a good Indian place in then over 10 years we've lived here!

But I must say, there's no place prettier in spring than Georgia!

manuela

Anonymous said...

Hello,
I was reading this and I couldn’t help but think; where in the world are you living? I’m from Alabama, and I have friends that have moved near me from different places. Places suck as; New York, Maine, Massachusetts, and others. 1) Where I am from you are taught to treat everyone as an equal, no matter where they are from. So the bad pizza problem; find another pizza place. 2) Kill you with our kindness? Our parents and Grandparents taught us how to act, how to be polite. 3) All my life, out of everyone I have known, I haven’t seen anyone “curse” at someone from the north, trying to get them to leave. 4) No one talks about the war anymore, unless it’s some redneck from the Boone docks that is still living in the 1800's (at heart).
I moved to Massachusetts around five months ago; I have also been to New York, and Connecticut. I absolutely love it where I'm at, and everyone here. They even call me “Alabama”, simply because there are too many Stephanie’s where I live. I don’t mind it; they even asked me a million times before to make sure it was okay with me. It’s not an insult, I’m especially proud of where I came from. This is not to insult you in any way, but to merely inform you that; we are not all like what you wrote about. Everyone is different, we all have different personalities. I don’t want anyone to read this and judge us all for something that someone did.
Thanks,
Stephanie

Sue said...

To Stephanie in Alabama.....it's obvious you didn't read the next post after this one...It was written in fun...you know "Satire"...I made fun of people from both the South and the North....you also must have missed the Quote that was in the Atlanta Journal Constitution from a Southerner to a Northerner...Not very flattering for the term "Southern Hospitality"....and as for bad pizza...That was serious...I'm still looking for a good slice after 28 years....No comparision to pizza from the North...sorry. Thanks for your opinion...Sue in Atlanta